first “proper” session: confusion & disbelief

I had a telephone meeting two weeks ago – whilst away from home – I still wonder what it is all about. I keep being told that they are there to help me. I mentioned the physiotherapy appointment that I did not make because it clashed with a work programme day. I was told it would have been fine:  I could have just phoned/emailed to say that I had the appointment. But I do know that my contemporary in the next county [mentioned previously having to not go to her voluntary work to do a course on volunteering] took a short notice hospital appointment and is now being given a hard time. Of course she might not have rung to say she couldn’t come, I don’t know for sure. It is all a bit confusing. Does that mean it depends on your advisor? The providers? Mentioning providers reminds me of the layers of organisations involved here, and therefore the money. There is an overall provider for example Working Links or Job Fit then there is an organisation that actually “delivers” often local authorities of further education establishment. If you are on Jobseeker’s allowance then you also still have obligations there. This all seems like a lot of people making a lot of money out of the unemployed.


So to the session. I walked up the 6 wide slate steps to the back door. A surprised tutor let me in. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but clearly I needed a computer near the fan to keep me cool. My dry eyes are so bad that I could say it wasn’t a good idea but as that means I need to wear glasses then it seemed like a good idea. I logged on and then opened the job search bit even though I don’t have to apply for jobs. It is interesting to find out what there is. My advisor asked why I had selected some of the categories last time as they were irrelevant – machine operators, labouring sort of jobs: because I was told to even when I said but these are unsuitable for me, well there might be something... Advisor showed me how to select sub categories there is even a category “artist”. I selected quite a few. Pressed search: 5 jobs. I did discover that I could ask for a diagnostic report for my Maths And English tests. It took a while for advisor to understand that I thought the test result wrong, I wasn’t  pleased with the maths score, I know my maths is no longer GCSE grade C to A standard and could judge that by the questions I answered. I was appalled at my |English result. Advisor said that I could take them  again. I forgot to do any of this!

I started to make a list of things I might need to learn to help me, a list of two: how to use Microsoft Publisher and Excel – I get by with Excel as a database and for simple accounts but if something goes wrong I don't know what to do. I discovered that no one is particularly trained to teach Publisher. But a start on finding ways of making the Work Programme useful to me.

The shocking occurrence:

I began to overhear a conversation that was of particular interest. I think it was the manager , certainly not someone I’d seen before, talking with possibly two clients [is that what we are?] but certainly to one. He was saying that next time they would not be able to use this back door – with the 6 wide steps, that they would have to use the front door and use the computers on the middle floor. I think there are only 4 or 5 computers on that floor. He continued by saying that there are the same amount of steps as when using  the back door. This is untrue, I would judge there to be 10 to12 steps, plus two more, they are also narrow and steep. One of the clients had very obvious walking difficulties and used a stick. There is also another advantage of the back door: if you come from the main street, as I do, there is no steep hill to walk down – or up again when you leave. SO this is contrary to what I had been told and was news to the tutors too. I asked to be let out the back door; the tutor said “nobody directly told me it’s not allowed”. No one has told me either. Wonder what will happen in a month’s time?

I think this has reached the point where I need to contact someone such as Disability Rights UK. The building is not suitable for people who use wheelchairs, walking frams, sticks – or any difficulty with steps/stairs by way of pain or fatigue..

Feelings & confusion

I was trying to write about how I felt about it all but so far haven't succeeded very well. Maybe because I’d rather not think about feelings in general.

There is a hemmed in feeling but I guess that’s what it’s about, keeping an eye on me. I still don’t know what is expected of me, what I am supposed to do on my monthly visits and what will be talked about on the phone in between. So: confusion.

Efficiency could be an issue. Not mine! At my first interview I said I was not free on Tuesdays until after the 2^nd July. When my letter arrived telling me of when the calls and appointments would be I phoned and asked some questions and pointed out again that I had a hospital appointment on the 2^nd so it might be difficult to have a phone conversation. At my induction I told the tutor to pass on the message that my advisor could phone between 9.30 and 10.30, on the Tuesday. I was rung later in the day – my father took the call [I am way past the age of living at home really, except to return to look after the aged parents, well it’s more like the other way round]. The work programme is there to help me. But with what?
 
My hospital appointment was with physiotherapy, He’s really good, it’s subtle, slow but steady – alongside medication. He wanted to make my appointment for 4 weeks time, it’ll be 5 weeks because of Work Programme. More confusion: what can I or can’t I do? What can I change? What takes precedence?  My short term plan says my health “mainly”: should I have taken the appointment he offered then phoned my advisor?

Who will be my tutor when I turn up for my next appointment? Who else will be there? Will I be able to find a sort of corner space where I feel safe and where there is low UV?